15> High-school dropout fast-food workers are disappointed to learn they can't win the gold in the Greece Olympics.
14> In the last quarter of 2004, sales of 2005 calendars skyrocket.
13> George W. Bush again uses the WMD excuse to invade one or more of the following: Iran, Syria, Cuba, Canada, Club Med Cancun.
12> Come Christmas, millions once again are reduced to helpless tears of laughter by "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Like, when the singer says, "Sing along, Grandpa!" and a really deep voice joins the chorus, is that HILARIOUS or what?
11> The planet Mars sues NASA for littering.
10> God's existence is proven once and for all when the wedding of Gilbert Gottfried and Fran Drescher is torched by a lightning bolt from an absolutely cloudless sky.
9> Kobe Bryant, Scott Peterson, Michael Jackson and Robert Blake all testify that they were playing poker at O.J.'s house on the nights in question.
8> The Olsen twins turn 18, lift the restraining order and begin to return my calls.
7> The next American Idol makes viewers forget all about Ruben and Clay -- not to mention Kelly and the guy with the hair.
6> Britney Spears reveals she has a fetish for humor list contributors. Also, Richard Simmons has a heterosexual romance with Amelia Earhart on the island of Atlantis.
5> Having exhausted all other outlets to try to save the planet, U2 singer Bono runs for president of Earth.
4> FOX TV produces a reality show starring two other children of hotel magnates: Lisbon Sheraton and Florence Motel6.
3> Florida tries to win back the goofiest state status from California by replacing its governor with SpongeBob SquarePants.
2> The gaping hole in the fabric of space and time opened by "Gigli" in 2003 continues to grow. Among the resulting phenomena: Pee-Wee Herman is arrested for securities fraud and Martha Stewart is caught "pleasuring herself" in a Home Depot.
1> "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" loses the ratings battle to "Lesbian Lips on a Straight Girl's Nips."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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