Tuesday, 10 February 2015

Fun Things To Do at Church

Comedy Joke Title:Fun Things To Do at Church
Joke Description:

- Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class and say:
"If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."

- A week beforehand, find a member of ACT-UP. Tell him the scheduled
sermon is entitled "Why God Sent AIDS to Punish Homosexuals".

- Put stray dogs in coat closets.

- Un-tune the piano.

- Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven".

- Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.

- Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAVED?"

- Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at Grateful Dead

- Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows, hand him a
dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would you rather be stoned or
crucified?" - Hide copies of Hustler inside the pulpit. Point them out.

- Start a wave.

- Do cool things with the lighting.

- When attendance is taken, sign on fake names like "Hugh G. Rection" and
"Oliver Klozoff".

- Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant.

- When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Are they
gonna do another SONG?"

- Make up your own words to the songs.

- Twenty minutes into the service, look at your watch, stand up, and say:
"Oh shit. This isn't the wedding!" Run out quickly.

- Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.

- If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF YOU DON'T

- Dress all in black, or in camo. - Pierce the body of a tiny animal with
stainless-steel wire. Wear it in your ear as jewelry. If you are male,
wear two. Change sets for the evening service.

- If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching
shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead.

- At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce that
you can see an image of Jesus.

- Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your shoes and

- Hide near the baptismal pool with a block of sodium. At the first
mention of "fire and brimstone", throw it in.

- Inflate balloons, then send them off.

- Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far Side

- Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17). Draw in
asterisks and write exceptions at the bottom of the page.

- Make the sun reflect off your watch into the preacher's face.

- Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen.

- During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone asks what
you're doing, tell them: "These are dinosaurs. They ruled the earth over
65 million years ago."

- Discreetly position a number of bottle rockets on the floor. Discreetly
light them.

- Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned,
especially Stephen.

- Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate on how
good it is.

- When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper
with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.

- Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of me," and lick

- Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"

- Blow bubbles.

- Fake a possession.

- Distribute condoms.

- Speak in tongues.

- Ask where the nearest ashtray is.

- Drool in the collection plate.

- Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians. After they
tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peleponnesians.

- After a Catholic service, stand outside and tell Polish jokes. When
someone points out that Pope John Paul II came from Poland, act

- Show unusual interest in any reference to the word "Ministry".

- At a church supper, bring a casserole with a ring or piece of a
wristwatch embedded inside.

- Overnight, have the stained-glass windows replaced with new ones
depicting comical, erotic, or death-related imagery. Send the bill to the

- Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon you!!!"
Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the address of the
church next Saturday at midnight.

Please submit your Funny / Comedy Jokes via replying to this post. Thank you for visiting to our blog, Have a Good Day!.

Sponsor Advertisement

Customer Relationship Management Software

Customer Resource Management Software

CRM software is designed to help businesses in manageing their customer data and customer interaction, access business information, automate sales, marketing and customer support and also manage employee, vendor and partner relationships. ...

No comments:

Post a Comment