Wednesday, 21 October 2009

funny love sms forever

I am yours,
You are mine..

I promise that I’ll be here
FOREVER..

beside you,
loving you..

because no one can love me most,
none but YOU..

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

School Joke for Kids

The Letter D Pulls Out LETTER D PULLS SPONSORSHIP FROM SESAME STREET Noted Consonant Alienated By Controversial New Gay Muppet NEW YORK--A spokesperson for the letter D announced Monday that the consonant is withdrawing sponsorship from Sesame Street following a Children's Television Workshop announcement that a homosexual muppet will soon join the show's cast. 'The letter D is proud to have brought you many wonderful Sesame Street episodes throughout the program's 28-year history, ' said Patricia Willis, public-relations director for D. 'But the letter D does not condone the sort of morally questionable lifestyles that Sesame Street is advocating with the introduction of this new character. It can no longer in good conscience associate itself with the show. ' Willis said D's withdrawal is effective immediately, and applies to both capital and lower-case versions of the letter.

The gay muppet, 'Bruce, ' will be introduced on Sesame Street Dec. '23

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Monday, 19 October 2009

funny english love sms

I Will Wait …

Till The Day  “I” Can Forget “You” …

Or

The Day You Realize “You” Cannot Forget “Me” ..

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Sunday, 18 October 2009

Funny jokes for Kids Joke

Q: What does a lion brush his mane with?
A: A catacomb!


Q: What noise does a cat make going down the highway?
A: Miaooooooooooooooooooow!


Q: What do you get if cross a cat with a canary?
A: Shredded tweet!


Q: Why do tomcats fight?
A: Because they like raising a stink!


Q: Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit?
A: They are both ginger nuts!


Q: What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?
A: A catameringue!


Q: On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A: A caterpillar!


Q: What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?
A: A Peking Tom!

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Sunday, 11 October 2009

Sardarji calls Air India

Sardarji calls Air India.

"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"

"Just a sec," says the receptionist. 


"Thank you." says the Sardar and hangs up.

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Saturday, 10 October 2009

Sardarji funny sms - i love u sister

A sardarji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.

He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister....
 

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Friday, 9 October 2009

Surdar waiter chicken funny joke

A Sardar went 2 hotel, ordered chicken, Waiter comes with the order, 

Surdar: Murgi di taang kithe hai? 

Waiter:Woh langra tha. 

Surdar: Dil? 

Waiter: Dil murgi le gayee. 

Surdar: Dimaag? 

Waiter: Murga SARDAR tha!



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Santa Singh dancing at mayyat

There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. 

All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general
'balle balle' is on.The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. 


So one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?;.....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!!;
 

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Thursday, 8 October 2009

Hindi joke QURBAANI - kya dekhte ho

Remember the song KYA DEKHTE HO from the film QURBAANI (1980)


A Girl who is being gazed at by an eve-teaser asks the eve-teaser

The Girl : " KYA DEKHTE HO ? "

Eve-Teaser : " SURAT TUMHAARI"

The Girl : " KYA KHAAOGE ? "

Eve-Teaser : " SANDAL TUMHAARI "

The Girl : " NAA HUM JO KEHDEIN "

Eve-Teaser : " KEH NAA SAKOGI "

The Girl : "LAGTI NAHIN THEEK KISMAT TUMHAARI


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funny sms nurse baby and mobile

New born baby to nurse : Do you have mobile?

Nurse : Yes, but why?

Baby : Send SMS to God that I reach safely and ask him to send my Girlfriend soon.


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Funny SMSFunny Jokes  / Comedy Jokes to us by email
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Santa and Banta Priest Jokes

Each and every Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.

The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now dear, you are a Catholic."

Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.


There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:  "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb
but now dears.... you are a potato and tomato"!!!


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Tom and Jerry Jokes Marry me




One Day Tom and Jerry were gone to visit Thailand 




Tom asked Jerry "Will you marry me ?"


Jerry Slapped Tom and said "U R CAT and I am MOUSE... How can we marry?"

is this a Funny Joke ? reply by post



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Tom and Jerry JokesFunny Jokes  / Comedy Jokes to us by email
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Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Anniversary joke Bill and Hillary

Anniversary : When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, “I am putting a box under our bed. You must promise never to look in it.”

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked.

However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the better of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.

In the box there were 3 empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash.

After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her guilt and she confessed, saying, “I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked in the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in.

But now I need to know why do you keep the empty cans in the box?”


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married couple jokes on relatives

A married couple have been driving in the country without speaking for half an hour, an earlier argument having led to the frosty atmosphere.

As they pass a field full of pigs, the husband sarcastically asks, “Relatives of yours?”
 

“Yep,” the wife replies, “In-laws.”


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Funny Jokes Sardarji and American

A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.


The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.

"Okay," says the American, "your turn".

He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.

The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep.

customer distributor jokes

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, 'We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one.

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, 'Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long. '
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Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Post vacant Girl friend - Interesting application

Hi,

Due to  recession, I had to leave my Girlfriend (as part of my cost cutting efforts). I  need a new one now, so pass on this information to your female  friends.

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and  incentives are mentioned below:

Designation : Junior girl friend  (trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with  excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the  Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.
Age: 18-23 (if the  individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special  consideration will undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar,  but is subjective.

Perks and incentives:
Total gross ( Monthly  ) :
• 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
•  Bike rides each duration 1 hour
• Trips to National Highways
• Kulfis /  Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
• Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread  Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
• 2 movies per month (on weekends)
• Visits to  Shopping Malls and BARISTA every weekend (On your own expense)

A Pair of  Jeans or T-shirts according to demand (not exceed one per quarter) will be  gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the  shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and Un-professional  taxes will be informed on joining.
The probation period is 6 months, after  which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)

Please  NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not  apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends are NOT eligible at all.

There is  more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral  program by referring their friends, colleagues etc.
Candle light/Tube light  dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.  
Search never ends!!

Interested candidates can send their resume  with

Subject:  Name/fresher-exp/age.
Photo must be attached in the email
Note:  Applications without photo will be rejected.


funny jokes love poem

Love is the greatest feeling, Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you, Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart, My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.

Monday, 5 October 2009

Lalu mayawati non veg jokes

Mayawati and Lalu were sitting inside a hospital.

Mayawati was crying loudly.

Lalu asked "Why" ?

Mayawati: They will cut my finger for medical blood test.

Hearing this Lalu started crying even louder. 

Mayawati asked "Why" ?

Lalu: I have come for my urine test.

Laloo Rabri Jokes

Laloo and his wife Rabri were angry with each other and were not talking to each other.

Laloo left a note on Rabri's bedside table, that said:  
"Dear Wife! Awake me at 5 am tomorrow."
 
Next morning, Laloo awoke at 8 am and saw a note on his bedside table: 
"Dear Husband It's 5 O' Clock, get up.

i love you romantic jokes

Girlfriend: I can't marry you. I am one year elder to you.
 
Boyfriend: Very Good, I love you so much that I can wait for you for one year.

i love you romantic jokes submitted by Funny Joker

funny sms sorry wrong number

If u care 4 me, i care 4 u,

if u miss me, i miss u

if u like me, i like u,

if u msg me, i msg u

if u forget me, i'm sorry this is where i'm different from u!

if U got style, u got the intelligence and u sure got the body.

Wait. Sorry, wrong number!

IDIOT long form joke

U are... I. D. I. O. T.

I = Intelligent

D = Decent

I = Impressive

O = Optimistic

T = Talented

R u smily now?

* YOU IDIOT*

hindi sms funny sms

U R the sweetest person, i have ever met. Yakin nahi hota..... na?


Chand Sitaron ki kasam!


0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O
0O0


0O0O0O0O0O0O00OO0O0O
00O


O0O0O00O000000000OO0
O0O


Yeh saare chand sitare kahan gayab ho gaye....

sardarji and virgin jokes

sardarji marries a girl. It's the second night after the marriage, when suddenly the silence is broken by the sound of a gunshot from the bedroom of the newly-weds. People run up to the room and are wondering what happened.

The sardarji says with anger: "I killed my wife!" ..."But why?"

"Because she wasn't a virgin."

"But sardarji this is your second nightý why didn't you do something yesterday."

"Last night she was a virgin!"

female teacher joke on assignment

Nice website for funny jokes :

Young female teacher giving an assignment to her Grade 5 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.

Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?" "Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days." The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title theassignment;

she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an evenlouder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funnyBilly?" "Well miss, I just saw both of your garters." Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe,"I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the class room." Where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"

Sunday, 4 October 2009

sardarji plan to go at sun

2 Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.

One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon.

We are sardars we will go direct to the sun. "" But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."

And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."

Friday, 2 October 2009

Funny SMS - upgrade your brain

Funny SMS

We will now upgrade your brain,

please wait....

Searching....

searching...

still searching....

sorry, NO BRAIN found...!

Thursday, 1 October 2009

wife dream and husband

Husband and Wife Jokes

Wife : I dreamed you gave me $500 for summer clothes last night. You wouldn’t spoil that dream, would you, Dear?

Husband : Of course not, Darling. You may keep the $500


husband joke on age

At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap

who is smart husband or wife


A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." She did and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, and women will flock to him."

The woman replied, " That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman, and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she became the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, " That's okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM she became the richest woman in the world!

The frog asked her what she would like for her third wish. She said, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

bride tells her husband

Bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

buy a bra for wife

Bra Shopping

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"

What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what the types were.

The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"<

Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

Funny Jokes

who first chicken or eggs

Anybody tell me who birth first ? Chicken or Eggs ?

Answer -> if Chicken <--- where chicken came from ? eggs ...

Answer -> if eggs <--- where eggs came from ? Chicken ...

Funny Jokes submitted by Indian Sardarji

Monday, 28 September 2009

mindblowing sardarji jokes

One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident"

Sardarji was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window.

While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.

When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.

When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.

sardarji jokes submitted by Funny Jokes

drunker joke bad day


A joke about Bad Day :
There's a guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."

husband and wife joke


Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died. As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven.

You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly." St. Peter looked at Dave and said, "You, Dave, were a bad man. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat up Dodge." Next St. Peter looked at John and said, "You, were not so evil, but you still cheated on your wife two times. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota stationwagon." St. Peter finally looked at Sam, and said, "You, Sam, have set a fine example.

You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife! For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari." A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam's Ferrari and there he is, sitting on the hood, head in hands, crying. "What's wrong, Sam?" they asked. "You got the Ferrari! You are set forever! Why so down?" Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth and cried, "I just saw my wife go by on a skate board."

Husband and Wife Jokes
submitted by Husband Jokes Community

Thursday, 24 September 2009

sardarji why other people running

Two Sardarji went to a sports stadium.

First Sardarji : Why are all these people running?

Second Sardarji : This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

First Sardarji : If only the winner gets the cup, why are the other people running?

Sardarji Jokes submitted by
Funny Jokes

Sardar at beach funny joke

One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America.

A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and asked the same Question.

Sardar answered
" No No Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach.

He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing "

Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Non-veg funny jokes

EGG KI BHURJI…… ……… ……..



OMLET……. ……… ……… ……… .



CHICKEN….. ……… ……… ……..



MUTTON…… ……… ……… …….




FRY FISH…….. ……… ……… …




ROASTED….. ……… ……… ……




DELETE THIS MESSAGE IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE IT IS NON VEG MSG.



posted by Funny Jokes

funny sms on sardarji

Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS: “Me sick, no work”

Boss SMS back: “When I am sick I kiss my wife try it”

2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss: “Me ok, ur wife very sweet”

Funny SMS
by Funny Jokes

Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Sardarji Travel with airline and check-in counter

Sardarji cool joke : A porter loaded down with suitcases followed Mr. & Mrs. sardarji the airline check-in counter.

As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?"

"Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it."

sardarji's computer interview

S attended a technical interview for a programmer's job.

Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
A. Terms are different ... Nothing more

Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.


Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? Which methodology will follow ?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA ?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Non living things can't communicate.

Q. What is meant by flickering ?
A. Closing and opening of eyes at girls.

Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.

Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads ?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.

Q. When is update method called ?
A. Who is update method?

Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.

Q. What is JINI ?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

Q. How will you call an Applet from a Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.

Q. How you can know about drivers and database information ?
A. I will go and enquire in the bus dep to.

Q. What is serialization ?
A. Arranging one after the other from left to right.

Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed , a binary tree will grow.

Q. What is the exact diffe rence between Unicast and Multicast object ?
A. If in a society, if there is only one caste, then it is Unicast, else it is multicast.

Twist and tear and boogie woogie

Twist and tear and boogie woogie

Nice jokes website

all the best

sardar in tamilnadu

One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar.

His tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price.

Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.

It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two.

guess capton laloo jokes

After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a picture.

To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo.

Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper.

GUESS THE CAPTION "Laloo, third from left"

Laloo Jokes

Laloo Yadhav time difference Bihar and Las Vegas

Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas.

So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".

The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.

Monday, 14 September 2009

A man got 2 wishes from GOD

A man got 2 wishes from GOD.

He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.

Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.

Moral : BE SPECIFIC

Laloo Prasad Yadav and Japanese Delegation

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar.

The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state.

Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan."

Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient,"

he stated "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar"

Laloo Jokes on US tour

Laloo returns from a US tour.

As he completes his press conference and is about to leave,

he goes, "I would like to thank the president of the United States from the bottom of my heart and my wife's bottom too"/

Sardaji win lottery joke


Sardar
wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.

Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.

Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.

Sardarji in race joke

Sardar-why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup,

why r others running?

Schools joke with Sardarji

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

FOOLISH & WISE man with women

A FOOLISH man tells a woman to STOP talking,
but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

Pearly Gates joke on Lawyer

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.


Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.


The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"


St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 196 years old!"


George Bush Joke on Dress Code

George W. Bush was caught breaking the White House dress code by wearing blue jeans.

Bill Clinton responded by saying, " I never broke the dress code. I just didn't wear pants at all."

Sunday, 13 September 2009

school joke on defination

"I Do"
The rite answer. - Joseph Leff

"I Said So"
Said to a tailor who ignores you. - Joseph Leff

Iambus
Identity of a school vehicle. - Joseph Leff

Ibid
What an auctioneer likes to hear. - Joseph Leff

Ice Box
Igloo. - Joseph Leff

Ice Cap
What your knee is when you fall on it when ice-skating

Ice Cream
But only when I'm frightened

Iceberg
A kind of permanent wave

Iced Lolly
Eskimo money

Ice
Skid stuff

School joke on Books

TEACHER: Who is your favorite author?
PUPIL: George Washington.
TEACHER: But George Washington never wrote any books.
PUPIL: You got it.

LIBRARIAN: Why don't you take home a Dr. Seuss?
PUPIL: I didn't know he made house calls.

TEACHER: How many books did you finish over the summer?
PUPIL: None. My brother stole my box of crayons.

TEACHER: How many books have you read in your lifetime?
PUPIL: I don't know. I'm not dead yet.

TEACHER: What did you learn from your history book about Harriet Beecher Stowe?
PUPIL: If you draw a beard and a stovepipe hat on her, she looks exactly like Abraham Lincoln.

TEACHER: What does your history book tell you about the Civil War?
PUPIL: It doesn't tell me anything. I have to read the dumb thing.

My father gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank him.

If you don't know what the word "dictionary" means,
where would you look it up?

TEACHER: Why are you holding your textbook up to the window?
PUPIL: You told me to open it up to the Middle East.

TEACHER: Where is South America?
PUPIL: I don't know.

TEACHER: Where is Greenland?
PUPIL: I don't know.

TEACHER: Where is Bulgaria?
PUPIL: I don't know.

TEACHER: Look them up in your textbook.
PUPIL: I don't know where that is, either.

School joke TEACHER and PUPIL

TEACHER: Who is your favorite author?
PUPIL: George Washington.
TEACHER: But George Washington never wrote any books.
PUPIL: You got it.

LIBRARIAN: Why don't you take home a Dr. Seuss?
PUPIL: I didn't know he made house calls.

TEACHER: How many books did you finish over the summer?
PUPIL: None. My brother stole my box of crayons.

TEACHER: How many books have you read in your lifetime?
PUPIL: I don't know. I'm not dead yet.

TEACHER: What did you learn from your history book about Harriet Beecher Stowe?
PUPIL: If you draw a beard and a stovepipe hat on her, she looks exactly like Abraham Lincoln.

TEACHER: What does your history book tell you about the Civil War?
PUPIL: It doesn't tell me anything. I have to read the dumb thing.

My father gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank him.

If you don't know what the word "dictionary" means,
where would you look it up?

TEACHER: Why are you holding your textbook up to the window?
PUPIL: You told me to open it up to the Middle East.

TEACHER: Where is South America?
PUPIL: I don't know.

TEACHER: Where is Greenland?
PUPIL: I don't know.

TEACHER: Where is Bulgaria?
PUPIL: I don't know.

TEACHER: Look them up in your textbook.
PUPIL: I don't know where that is, either.

Friday, 11 September 2009

A wife begins to get a little worried

A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until, at 8 p.m., the husband finally pulls into the driveway.

"What happened?" says the wife. "You should have been home hours ago!"

"Harry had a heart attack at the third hole," replied the husband.

"Oh, that's terrible," says the wife.

"I know," the husband answers. "All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry..."

husband finally pulls into the driveway

A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until, at 8 p.m., the husband finally pulls into the driveway.

"What happened?" says the wife. "You should have been home hours ago!"

"Harry had a heart attack at the third hole," replied the husband.

"Oh, that's terrible," says the wife.

"I know," the husband answers. "All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry..."

Wednesday, 9 September 2009

where are we joke

Helllo See...

I am going to tell you one Joke

wait

ha hello ...

where are we ? ...

Nowhere ...

ok fine ...joke ends here

useful jokes quotation on the work

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me

You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

young and stupid

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me

You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

jokes on insurance selling

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:

"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded," which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?

Resume Mistakes Jokes

These are from actual resumes:

"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs.

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Number of dependents: 40."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."

RESUME BLOOPERS

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."

"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."

"I'm a rabid typist."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."

Joke with telemarketers

What to say to a telemarketer! One of the things that has always bugged me (and I'm sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. The call was from AT&T, and it went something like this:

Me: Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr. Salem please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Salem?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Salem?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Salem.

Me: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested, but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Salem, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate". I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!! That's amazing!! AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560? If you send an annual heck, can I get a

cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes, this is AT&T, sir, but....

Me: But nothing! How do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of suliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?!? AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later? AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes, Mr. Salem. Please hold.

So, now AT&T has me on hold, and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food.......

Supervisor: Mr. Salem?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? (Is this AT&T)

Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter, and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello, Mr. Salem. I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother.........

AT&T: (click)

Note From Me: When I get a call from a telemarketer I prefer to give them options. I simply tell them Steve is not here right now but would they prefer to speak to Slob Boy, Gutter Boy, BrainDead Man ..... Click............

Or My Other Favorite... Are you single? Click............

job security questions and answers

The job security quiz will help judge how long you'll end up at your current job and what will become of you.

The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you...

A. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.

B. Inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.

C. Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level.

There's a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?

A. Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who's been working with you.

B. Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him.

C. Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you, "Won't have to work under someone who should have retired before he became a laughingstock."

When your boss throws a party and invites everyone in the office except you, what do you do?

A. Stay home and watch 'I Love Lucy' reruns.

B. Show up at the party anyway, with a really expensive bottle of wine and a briefcase full of small, unmarked bills.

C. Go over to your bosses house after everyone has left and throw rocks at the windows, shouting obscenities.

Your boss criticizes your work unjustly; what do you do?

A. Listen politely, and then apologize.

B. Blame someone else.

C. Climb on top of your desk, and hold up a piece of paper on which you've written the word "union."

When the CEO parks his car in your spot, you...

A. Wash and wax it, then leave your business card under the windshield wiper.

B. Key it ... then tell the CEO's secretary you saw your boss near it, loitering suspiciously.

C. Key it ... then proudly tell the CEO's secretary that you did it.

Your boss asks you to play Kooky the Clown for his kid's fifth birthday party, what do you do?

A. Offer to pay for the costume rental and cake, too.

B. Agree to do it, then blackmail a co-worker into doing it while pretending to be you.

C. Agree to do it, then show up as yourself and tell the children that Kooky is dead.

The boss accuses you of not keeping the office clean; you...

A. Clean the office while he supervises.

B. Tell him that you delegated the job, then fire the underling you supposedly gave the job to.

C. Clean the office again, but this time, you use your boss' face.

Scoring this test

Mostly A's: You have nothing to worry about. They'll never fire you because you're a doormat.

Mostly B's: You're not just going to keep your job, with your complete disregard for other peoples feelings, you'll positively shoot up the ladder of success. Congratulations! You're a real jerk.

Mostly C's: You are a career kamikaze. The boss would have fired you long ago, but he's terrified of what you might do.

Changed HR policies - Office Joke

Casual Fridays:

Week 1 - Memo No. 1

Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3 - Memo No. 2

Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Week 6 - Memo No. 3

Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

Week 8 - Memo No. 4

A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9 - Memo No. 5

As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14 - Memo No. 6

The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee. Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the "home casual" versus "business casual" checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.

Week 18 - Memo No. 7

Our Employee Assistant Plan (EAP) has now been expanded to provide support for psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.

Week 20 - Memo No. 8

Due to budget cuts in the HR Department we are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day will be discontinued, effective immediately.

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Monday, 7 September 2009

drunken man joke finding the car

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars.

The manager comes out ofthe bar and stops the guy.

'What the heck are you doing ?' he asks the drunk.

'I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it.' he replies.

'So how does feeling the roof help you ?' asks the puzzled manager.

'Well,' replies the drunk earnestly, 'MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!'.

Knock Knock Jokes Whos There

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Abbott!
Abbott who?
Abbott time you answered the door!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ahmed!
Ahmed who?
Ahmedeus Motzart!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alaska!
Alaska who?
Alaska my friend the question then!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alfred!
Alfred who!
Alfred of the dark!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alma!
Alma who?
Alma not going to tell you!

Hot Jokes : Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn


Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn


- During foreplay, he's always double-clicking your G-spot.

- His new computer includes a DVD-ROM drive, a 56k modem, and a tissue dispenser.

- When she wants you to take off your pants, she says, "Scroll down."

- Tells everyone he's a pioneer in "palm computing."

- He's suing Playboy.com for repetitive stress injuries.

- Her favorite actor? Tommy Lee.

- When he sees a hot babe, he wryly says, "Boy, I'd like to click on her."

- You look deep into his eyes and see a faint image of Asia Carrera burned into his corneas.

- As you undress, he takes out his credit card and tells you his birthday.

- During sex, he shouts, "Refresh! Refresh!"

- His version of foreplay: You lie naked on the bed with a sheet covering you... he pulls it down slowly for ten minutes.

Dirty Joke Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

nice try joke

Comic

Computer bug joke


All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I just saw my life flash before my eyes and all I could see was a close tag…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cool Joke on Smoking Computer Programmer


A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”

To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”

Joke on Computer Industry Acronyms


CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN: It Still Does Nothing

SCSI: System Can’t See It

MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

DOS: Defunct Operating System

WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too

PnP: Plug and Pray

APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

IBM: I Blame Microsoft

MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses

MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.

WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.


Lawyer Jokes on darkest jungle in Africa


The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.

After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.

After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

Kids Joke on Question and Answer

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.

Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll

Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?
A. ME!!!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In snow banks.

Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.

Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?

A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!


Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.

Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!

Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!

Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogey in it!

Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A. At the BP station!

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A. Odor in the court.

Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.

Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A. Dam!

Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.

Sunday, 6 September 2009

Computer Joke - You've been programming too long when

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"

When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.

When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.

When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.